As I write this I’m sitting in bed smoking a cigarette. I don’t know why, but I always feel like such a rebel when I do this. Not that I have anything to rebel against. Maybe I rebel against my old self? That prudish, scared little boy who would have never dared to take the slightest risk. But I’ve grown in the past few years. Some of my last “young” years. I’m pushing 23 which means I have 2 years or so, to be the biggest risk taker I can be.
What is risk anyway? Is it when you dare yourself just because? Or is it for that small chance of great reward? I do it for both reasons. Sometimes it’s fun to do something stupid irregardless of the consequences.
Ah, it was a few years ago when I was fresh out of highschool that I made my first real risk. I skipped school and cashed in my financial aid to fly to New York City. It was my first real impulse. I honestly consider it to be the day I was born.
Since I was never on my own before then, it was my personal way of shoving reality down my throat. I won’t go ino the gritty details, but I wasn’t ready for the big city. What did I expect anyway? That New York was going to open its arms out wide for me?
I love New York unconditionally, but New York on the other hand loves me conditionally. The condition is that I grow up and bring something to the table. It’s almost as if New York is a God, and to appease it, I need something to offer.
Maybe I gave up to fast, but New York chewed me up and spit me out. But that just motivates me to find my footing again. As soon as I get back, I know it’ll be almost like a reunion with the city. I’ll get a kiss kiss on each cheek, a 12 dollar pack of Camel’s and a broccoli and cheese soup from Au Bon Pain!
This is a really long post. It should be an “about me” because this is the first time I’ve thought about me in a while. Also, I thought JustFedTheModels needed a little personality.
Who is Modelistic? That’s my journey. If I’m going to have an alter ego, it better be entertaining! This is the first step on my highway to New York…Fashion Week? Ooh that’s big words coming from a small fry hahah!!!